I felt like writing. I think I needed too. This week has been hectic; filled of love and sadness. The week started with a good note, then a bad then a good and then better. Monday 1st-3rd period was just fine. 4th I just started entering a tunnel. First since I saw a dead baby bird just laying of the wing. I even a poem:
Poor Birdie
Laying there
all alone
people walk by
it's still alone
People stop "Ha look at that"
People stop "OH! poor thing"
People stop and go on
while the poor bird is still
laying there
all alone
breathing or not
it's alone
That bird impacted my day so much. I was already wondering the big Q: Am I really a good writer? I even wrote a poem about that:
Keep It Going
siting here day by day
nothing to say but not today
head weeping
eyes dripping
heart spilling
class time is here
to much fear
blocking the way
am I good
or am I bad
may I know
no it can not be
dream of this
dream of that
dreams in depth
please don't go
I need it true
the need of hope
but what if
I am all but good
I am just in a bad mood; one with a permanent frown. 4th was over, I tried to not think of the bird. I could not stop. The me an my friends were supposed to have a picnic, that sure did not work out. It was sprinkling, it was only water. So we had to sit at the normal picnic tables and do it there. Still turned out fine. But before that I went to Math class to see what I needed to pass. I found out I might not pass. That brought me more DOWN. The rest of the day was just DOWN. Then it really hit. I went home then got a message from a friend, a really close friend. She told me that one of my best friends was telling people that she did not think I was ready for AP English nor that I was a good writer. You know what she put in from of those insults, I guess to make them not as bad, she put "I love her BUT". I don't think that makes anything any better. She [my good friend that told me about it] was hesitating to tell me, but she knew she had to. I broke down after that, not just because I was worried I was a bad writer, but because I was disappointed. Disappointed that a good friend of mine would be telling people that, even worse that a good friend of mine did not have enough faith in me to think I could do it. Cause I know I can do it. I do, English is my passion. It is, it truly is, I love reading and writing, I personally think I am good at it.
So the next day I was still really down. I had to take 2 finals. I passed both, one being Math, I PASSED GEOMETRY. =] After class I walked as quickly as I could, not noticing anyone I knew. I was doing my ignore walk, I am a born pro at that walk. Well I was doing this walk all the way up to e wing in my English class. I grabbed my Great Gatsby portfolio. After my teacher gave it to me, she asked if there was anything else. I said I had a question, I asked "Am I a good writer?? ". She said yes and gave me a full description why. For example that I am very stylistic, making my writing only mine. She even said that all my ideas were always perfect and so on. She asked why I asked and I told her the story that is above. You know the one about my friend trying to crush my dreams. She looked heart on about this, like it hit a soft spot in her. She even asked "Are you sure she is not jealous?" personally I did not know. I said that I thought she was just being too protective over me. My teacher just made me happy all in all, a total win on moral boosts. I love English teachers because they are always this kind. She made me realize that I know I am a good writer, and I should not doubt that. If I am really going to this as my career I have to get used to let downs and bad reviews. My writing is not for everyone. So my dreams are still strong, I will never give up.
P.S.
Did you know that the friend that dissed me never even truly read my work?
Well obviously you did not, but now you do.
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