April 25, 2011
Speaking of Sex - a bit of a story I was writing.
April 09, 2011
Panic! At The Disco's "Vices and Virtues"
I used to be an incredibly large Panic! At The Disco fan. Completely devoted to the words they sung, but this album just killed it for me. I am not going to say it's horrible, because it has good moments. But I can't listen to it all the way through. I skip along and/or just hate myself for not enjoying it. It really does have moments. Like the beginning of "The Ballad of Mona Lisa," which has such a great beat that it gives me hope, but as the song goes on that hope disappears. It's those "woah"s that help it disappear. It reminds me of thousands of other pop rock songs. It irks me to not like it, because I want to like it. I want to love it. Scream with utter fucking joy at it's brilliance, but I can't do that. Like I said before, it does have many great moments. The song "Sarah Smiles" kind of sorta reminds me of "Pretty. Odd." , but it still can't not beat a single song from that CD. "Vice and Virtues" breaks my heart.
March 24, 2011
The Woman Who Saw Everything As It Was
The young woman was always gloomy
“But it’s okay”
Her therapist would say
“Everyone has bad weeks”
But she had bad months
No, she had a bad life
But things were okay in the end
She had books to help her hide
She had friends that pretended to care
She had that one hat with the feather
And an amazing sense of realism
That she knew not everyone had
Yet there was still something missing
Some piece to her that was just empty
About The Girl Who Never Wanted To Grow Up
I don’t want to grow up
I want to stay little forever
Stay a kid ‘till the end of time
Forget the future
Forget college
It’s all about the now
Ir’s all about the past
All about barbies
Unicorns and kittens
Leave me in my room
For the rest of my life
Never allow me to depart
I would not make a fus
I am great at being invisible
Now leave me be
Let my head take trips to the past
Imagine those days as a kid
Where everything was nice
Where everyone was innocent
Don’t let me go outside
Don’t let me see the truth
The loss of innocence
The hatred in their eyes
Just leave me here
Forever
About The Girl Who Had To Grow Up
So it’s time, you say
To finally become a big kid
To finally leave and be free
But what if I still don’t want to be free?
What if I want to stay here?
If the outside world brings me nightmares
What if I know I would be safer here?
About The Woman The Girl Became
I never leave the house
I sit here with my collections
I dream of the past
I dream of childhood
I never gave in to love
It was too grown up for me
But at least my cats love me
Gingerspip and Buttercup
Hello Kity and Hearty
They are my best friends
The only ones that understand
I wish I could understand them
I wish I could have changed something
But I
But I never gave in to the future
March 13, 2011
Dictionary
Instead he quaintly whimpers
Until he is cockeyed
But at least he is a healthy fellow
Starting a revolution in his own body
Coquetting the night away
In his medieval style
His life is like an episode
Of consequence that is considerable
Always on the breach of something
That is not about redemption
But like his brother in law always says
“Review the reverie! Review the reverie!”
Instead he forgets it, and keeps on living
Study Break Sonnet
A simple message from you drives me mad
Since I don’t know how to talk to you
But I want to talk
I want to know everything about you
I want to become a cliché with you
Hold hands in the park
Watch movies and have dinner
Have a perfect romance
A movie romance
Something that may never happen
I want to know you intimately
I want to know you personally
I want to believe that can we be something
But first I must learn how to speak
During Shakespeare Sonnet
Wishing I could get a cookie
Just because my head is light
Sleep is taunting me again
Though I had hours of it
I don’t understand my head
Why does it not leave me be?
I want to rest, and be rested
But no, I’m screwed to be tired
And sleeping on BART is not a choice
It is a fear that leaves me goose bumps
But this tired is taking over
It is making me no sense
If only I could sleep some more
But no time, no time at all
March 07, 2011
About the sonnets
Lifted Or The Sonnet Is In The Soil Keep Your Ear To The Ground is kind of a found poem, because I took lines from almost every song from
Dejala was created by putting my itunes on shuffle and putting titles of songs into a poem.
123 is also like a found poem, because half the lines were derived from lines from 7 different books, while the other half were from my head.
234 is a collage poem that came out of this poem that I wrote, but did not like:
When the sun dances high
Burning my fucking eye
Block the rays with my arms
But failure brings me harm
Block the rays with some shades
But only little does it fade
So I give up, and keep strutting along
Thinking about some random song
Wondering how horrible this day will go
Because this poem does not even know
How horrible of days I’ve had before
How my life is such a big bore
But it’s okay in the end
Totally godsend
Because things have to get better
Maybe I’ll find a nice sweater
Right, life just has to get swell
Yep, that's where those came from.
234
When the sun dances high
Totally godsend
Burning my fucking eye
But it’s okay in the end
Block the rays with my arms
How my life is such a big bore
But failure brings me harm
How horrible of days I’ve had before
Block the rays with some shades
Because this poem does not even know
But only little does it fade
Wondering how horrible this day will go
Thinking about some random song
I give up, and keep strutting along
123
The old woman was a cunning dame
And a Storyteller of sorts
Until the day it returns, continuing
Speaking a never ending story
That Raymond was only half listening to
Because he never listens to the world
“It’s a shame, a shame”
Her ex-lover would say
But decisively in just that way
He would show off vintage photos
“She doesn’t look like a beast there”
She doesn’t look like a beast here
Nethertheless, there is always something horrifying
About the past, that still waits
Dejala
Don’t Fall Apart On Me Tonight
You are the Nicest Thing I know
And I don’t want to say Bye and Bye
So I hide myself in a Cocoon of lies
Pretending to be an Actor Out Of Work
But your Desire to leave never withdrawals
But I pretend I have a Heart Of A Lion
Creating a stronger Version of myself
But I Should Have Known Better
It’s Cool, We Can Still Be Friends
Forget the Cigarettes Wedding Bands
Making this sonnet About A Girl
Who keeps me on of the edge of Survival
That one girl I met at The Market
Lifted Or The Sonnet Is In The Soil Keep Your Ear To The Ground
Well the future got me thinking such awful thoughts
Animals laughing from the dark of the wilderness
Missing the frowns you never used to give
Please return, return to the person that you were
You wrote such pretty words that
Washed away the rumors and left the concrete truth
I know that I completed you
But men with purple hearts carry silver guns
You used to cut my nightmares out of paper
Created a book that sunk into the sand
Now you don’t even bother
To give a therapeutic smile
Please return, return to what you were
February 22, 2011
Sleeping Pills
And that is why I am tired
Because I don’t get enough sleep at night
Because I think way too much about things that don’t matter
Because there is so many other interesting things to do
Like read, write, fall in love, and maybe even break a heart
Because sleep is generally a waste of time
Because sleeping pills no longer work for me
Because that one show no longer airs in the day
Though it ruled the 90s and my childhood
Because the man on the moon is much happier than man on the sun
Because I drink far too much coffee just to keep me awake in class
Because at night the freaks come out
And the freaks are much more enjoyable than the squares
Because there is people out there dying for nothing
Because my pet rooster tends to forget what time the day begins
Because my mind twists and turns like rollercoasters
And I am deadly afraid of rollercoasters
Because it’s always daytime somewhere
Because there is something wrong with me
Because Sleep no longer desires my company
Although it lusts after me in the day time
Because there is people out there living for nothing
Because sleep seems far too similar to the end
Because I am full of contradictions
That never seem to leave me be
February 19, 2011
About "I Need A Mute Button."
I Need A Mute Button
I should stop talking
Become a mute
Just sit here
Doodling
Cats and Dogs
Watching the Squirrels pass
Catching him in the corner
Of my eye
I should stop talking
Stick to writing
Just look at the pages
Laugh at his comments
Laugh at her comments
Laugh, laugh, and laugh
Become a perfect example
Of what all idiots should do
And never speak another word
I should stop talking
February 13, 2011
I don't know what this is.
I am a cynic
But I need someone
Something
I am depressed
But I need happiness
Smiles
I am a mess
But I need order

