Debate: Me Vs. Me

Debating wether to do my English homework.. I was sick... I do get an extra day... but if I don't... hmm maybe I should do it.... >< gosh I wish she gave us a syllabus.

London Calling.

New Goal: Live in London, for a few years.

Probably be a transfer student for a year or get my Masters there.

I just feel like it calls for me.

Like it wants me to be near.

Maybe I just want to be near it.

Along with the accents, the pubs and everything new.

Then it's back to San Francisco to find a vacant store.

Open my bookstore.

Write and do what ever I please.

I am in not in a hurry for fame.

I write for myself.

Not for fame.

Not at all.

Love it.

Then.

Now.

and

Forever.

Cat Eye.

These are my new glasses, well one of them.

The other, has no brand.

So it was impossible to find it on here.

These have a brand; Banana Republic.

They are called Gwyneth.

They are my vintage outfit glasses.

The other ones will be for my more modern outfits; I guess.

Freaking weird to soon have two glasses.

Thanks to random sales.

><

Ok, I am done.

maybe.rant.see.write.type.

Headaches and heat.

Heartaches and ants.

Heatwaves and glasses.

He knows nothing and she knows it all.

I am not sure what that was all about.

Took me by surprise myself.

Well today I bought two new pairs of glasses.

One = Vintage Cat Eye.

Two = Just Cute Glasses that have Cheetah Print. ><

My mom has begun to make fun of my infatuation with vintage.

I have always had this infatuation, it's only just now that I take it full on.

But I have always loved it.

My favorite movie as a kiddo was Pleasantville.

My favorite cars were those 50's cars .. in pink, along with the all time favorite; The Beetle.

I have hella homework do to be being awfully ill.

Ants have invaded my room.

I have no mercy for these ants.

So I kill them with a giant pencil.

Now that I have two new pairs of glasses I can get contacts at Macy's for free.

I will have imaginary green eyes. ;]

My parents left for church without me since I whined about homework.

I forgot my English binder, need the vocab words.

My camera is missing it's memory chip.

I am awfully worried about school.

I have anxiety problems.

I should be finishing Thursday's math homework.

I hate math.

I need to pass or it's community.

I hate the word "I".

My mom thinks I have lost faith in God.

I am just confused.

Pretzels or freaking delicious.

ya me voy.

Sitting around in the heat.

The dreadful weather caused me to do something I would never before.

Well actually I think I've done it once; be shirtless.

Don't worry, I have my underclothes on and a skirt.

Along with the fact that my window and door are tightly shut.

If I choose to leave my island of a room; I will put on a shirt.

It's just the fact that heat and illness go awfully wrong together.

I already can't think as it is.

The heat only worsens the situation.

I tried memorizing my monologue, the heat was overwhelming.

I thought of doing homework, my head was in too much pain.

It's not a good day.

I detest it.

I truly do.

really really do.

=[

Frida Quotes = Love

"I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration."

"The most interesting thing about the so-called lies of Diego is that, sooner or later, the ones involved in the imaginary tale get angry, not because of the lies, but because of the truth contained in the lies, which always comes forth."

"Feet, why do I need them if I have wings to fly?"

"I hope the leaving is joyful; and I hope never to return."

"I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best."

"I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive."

"I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling."

"There have been two great accidents in my life. One was the trolley, and the other was Diego. Diego was by far the worst."

=[

Hates that she has to miss school.

I hate it soo much.

Makes me want to cry.

Ogee cry for school.

I hate math.

Maybe it's just that teacher.... wish I had another.

Wish I had a teacher that would actually come up to me and ask if I need help.

I know I could never ask for help.

I could never be a burden... but now my teacher thinks I don't care... I do.. I just don't work well with numbers.

I am a word person.

A person with a love for beauty.

Art, words, music and History.

Not for numbers.

Numbers do not compute in my brain.

I need help.

I thought senior year supposed to be easy... maybe it truly is just the most difficult.

Sinus Infection

I am just so sick

my head is imploding

my heart is exploding

my voice has ran away

sometimes returning for hellos

My mind is in slow motion

today it's all slow motion

all taken in portions

never perfectly fine

hoping to be cured

of all the illnesses

that are confound in me

with all those pills

all those liquids

all the sleep

that never works

all the hopelessness

lost at the post

lost in the chemistry

all I need is to get better

yet here I am

filled with illness

DARN!

I am just too tired.

Random Note:

Did you know that I possibly have a lisp because of my brain?

Supposedly it's is a weird formation in my brain.

So I am stuck with my lisp for life.

see the beauty

walking alone

with the music booming

seeing the beauty

that surounds me

wishing to never stop this moment

wishing to walk for miles and miles

something ruins the mood

something ruins the beauty

I get over it

I get overwhelmed

by the beauty again

I feel like I am walking upon clouds

seeing the world from above

but I am just walking upon the Earth

the most beautiful thing, with some ugly spots

only the beauty overwhelms me

yet the ugly has it's days

days it wins

but those pass away

quick enough for me to forget them

or at least try

but on this walk I am lost

I am free

until I arrive at my destination

at my home

Why?

Am I so tired, busy and stressed.

Right now I am on the calm side.

Due to art projects and movies.

Yet today was on the odd side, when are they not.

It all starts off at 6am, I wake up magically on time ...but I choose to sleep in.

Wake again at 6:40, get dressed and the normal lady stuff.

I make a lunch with no sandwich, due to the lack of bread.

Try to eat something to get me hyper and full.

Wake my dad a bit on the late side.

When in the car I realize I forgot my phone on the kitchen table.

I go the rest of the day without my phone.

I run to the Library, that is EMPTY, to print my homework.

While I wait for it to print, I swoon over the math teacher I wish I had.

After the printing is all complete I go to meet up with my band friends that just got out of 0 period.

Soon later the bell rings.

I head off to English class and watch many presentations; while hiding the anticipation for my own.

When we get up there, we skip around lines but we all work it out.

I thought we did bad, supposedly we did good.

Then to my next classes, all normal and good.

Then in math I get a pass.

A pass to go to the Library from my counselor.

I thought it was something important, you see, something worth going to.

So I go to it.

It was none of that at all.

It was a intro to the Hermanas Program, something I could not do.

Something that made me feel way too Mexican and White Washed.

I stayed to waste time.

Then got to 4th period with ...10 minutes left.

Lunch was fine, so was the rest of my classes.

Then after school, when I expected to go to Journalism... I got lost.

They were not in Poore's then I went to the room where they were supposed to be at.. and saw detention.. so I assumed.

Along with the fact that I was already a bit freaked out, no phone, all alone and lost.

I wimped out, freaked out and just went home.

I was a bit on the sad side because of that.

I was really looking forward for it.

Really.

But I talked to some of the people and they said it was fine.

Gladly.

So now to random things, since I have not written in forever.

So, boys, I almost said bots.

Makes sense.

Well freshmen.... are so small.

I feel odd to even find them a bit attractive.

I like a "peedo", that is how british people say it. ><

Stupid young people.

Yet I would date a guy that was 4 years older than me.

I find it a bit hypocritical.

It's different, is it not?

Since woman mature quicker than man.

Right!?!?

><

My morals are confusing me.

AH!

ECK

BECK

TECK

SMCK

WHAT THE HECK!

><

I am too complicated, even for myself.

I have stress?

Supposedly, I had a very long Panic Attack today.

I just thought, I was nervous or just not used to school yet.

But no, it was a Panic Attack.

Thanks to being worried and stress.

Oh joy!

Weird too, since most of the worrying was pointless.

All my classes when fine, except the stuttering and freaking out.

Now I shall write a class my class documentation:

1. English 4AP.

Only 14 people in the class, and all were people that I get along with.

Ms. Poore, seemed very nice, a bit eccentric and is afraid of insects.

Not much happened, but I liked it.

2. Psychology.

I found it interesting, but I seemed very to myself.

Even though I knew many people.

3. Algebra 2.

Haaaate.

The teacher seems nice.

I know enough people in the class.

But I just hate math, and it was not good for my state of mind.

4. Economy.

Interesting, I got chocolate.

I have many friends in the class.

Though the center of the room had many people I was not so sure about.

The class finished quickly and I guess I was the calmest here.

Lunch.

I ate my healthy homemade lunch, and carried on.

Fun times, with best friends.

5. Italian 2.

I was way too nervous, I really started to freak out.

I calmed a bit but then got freaked again.

All in all, I know I will love that class.

6. Drama.

A favorite of mine, but so many newbies.

Some I could see were not meant for it; they were too shy and weary.

I really freaked out here, I barley could breath.

The whole day, I felt out of place.

Like all eyes were on me; like I would mess up.

I was freaking out and stressed.

Worried of what was to come.

I am always very self conscious, but today I was a bit off my normal chart.

Really more than a bit.

I even had mutable stress zits.

All in all, it was great but then again it was horrible.

dams.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am angry at myself.

Tonight I promise the world and the moon that I shall really sleep.

I will take a sleeping pill if nothing else works.

I am one angry lady.

But I think I look cute, excluding the zit on my face and my tired appearance.

I am supposed to ride my bike today... what if I am sooo tired I crash.

or fall.

or something worse.

Ug, I hate it.

hate hate hate

I rarely use that word, I seem to mean it right now.

The moon was angry

did not leave the children in peace

all because they looked at the world sadly

they felt out of place

The children were hopeless

the Moon was mad

trying to rest with no success

they all grew sad

They had ideas

they had a plan

always with those see yas

trying to fight the man

The man was the clock

ticking their lives away

they were locked in a block

trying to see the day

they always lost

falling to the floor

no matter the cost

they never felt so poor

99.4%

That, my friends, is my temperature.

It is pretty high if you think of it.

Not high enough to be a fever, but high enough to be beginning of a fever.

It is only raising.

Well it dropped, then rouse.

So I am awfully confused.

I did just take some pain killer, but I only feel worse.

I really hope I feel better tomorrow.

I had plans.

I was going to have a social life.

I truly hope it drops rapidly.

Check: 99.1% at the moment.

Thank goodness, it dropped a bit.

It's truly awful, school starts soon and now I am sick.

I have an appointment with Ms. Alonso Monday, so I can fix my schedule before school starts.

You know, so I can have everything perfect on the first day of school.

Well, I am going to read until I pass out now.

Almost done with this book, it's actually good.

It's about ghosts, life and ex-slaves.

I like it.

I have to finish today or tomorrow.

Then I finish White Noise, then I read up on the book I had no time to finish.

You know so I am a bit more prepared if there is something to do with the middle or end of that book.

Since, I only read the first part.

Now my temp is: 98.8%.

So either I am getting better or my Spongebob thermometer is crazy.

Well wish me well, bye bye and nighty night.

New Glasses??

These will be the examples that I will base my search on.

Though I am really pushing for Round Granny looking kind.

B)

I may not be a Hot Mess, but I sure do love that CD.

Today was the day that my hands finally got the chance to caress Cobra Starship's third album. Best day of the week, may I add. Of course the mall what it's same awful thing.

Filled of teenagers I can actually recognize. Nothing worse that that, well there is but I just really hate seeing people. I bought the colorful CD at Hot Topic. All because Hot Topic is now the cheapest place to buy new CDs in the mall. Along with the fact that you get a deal aka the CD and Shirt for 20 buckaroos, deal. "Hot Mess" is the perfect CD to pop in at a party. It is sure to get someone tapping their feet. My favorite song off it just has to be "You're Not In On the Joke", I just love it. I got a colorful shirt to match, truly did. Well this is no review, this is just a LITTLE PART OF MY DAY. Though that was in caps. My day truly never began, and may not truly end. All thanks to the insomniac that I am ... or my horrible sleeping patterns. Since I stay up till 9 then pass out. May I say that this time I actually did try to sleep at a earlier time, it just did not work out.

The whole night I spent reading, or .... I am not sure what else. I do believe I saw a movie. Well when it hit seven I began to prepare my breakfast; which actually was Lentil Soup with fake bacon and mushrooms. I personally think that I am becoming a great vegetarian cook. Maybe I should forget the dream of owning a bookstore and open a restaurant instead, but I doubt that dream will die. Maybe my dream of being a Noble Prize winner, who wrote many books that became many movies, can die. That one is truly a huge dream and I don't want to write for fame, I want to write for me. But fame who be great... truly would.

Well after making my amazing Lentil Soup, my brothers kids came over. I took care of them then went to my room because I was actually becoming sluggish. So I laid on my bed and enjoyed some On Demand Personals, along with some laughs. Then I passed out and had the oddest of dreams. Truly the oddest. It had something to do with someone to kill me but the most bright part of that dream for me was a date. Some how, after almost being killed I ran to a theater so I could go on a date. A date with my cousins friend. I shall not state who for the reason that he may find out how to access this from my facebook. My cousin was out of Mexico, I was in Mexico, so I was stuck with my date and the other friends. When I ran into the theater he was waiting for me. I ran into his arms, and may I add the warmth was so realistic, then I told him what happened, I was almost in tears. He did not let go of me until long after we were in our seats, but really I let go of him. I let go of him after the concert got boring to me, odd because it was of one of my favorite Mexican singers. After that the seats became my bed and I started watching a move. Odd enough, I had a laptop. The whole time I had the urge to just go back into his arms. His warm loving arms, that made me feel so safe, so happy. I soon woke up from this marvelous thing of a dream. When I arose I still had the urge to run back into his arms. I wanted to tell him about my dream, I wanted him to know that I might just, possibly, actually, like him. But I forgot about that and hid it in my head and left it there dead. I could never risk it, risk the humiliation of being denied. I have never tried, not yet. I know one day I will have to. Hopefully that day takes it time to come.

fear

He followed her into the night

waiting for the day to come

she did not know he was not her track

she did not know there was a he

she did not sleep all of the night

not to even leave her room

not for fear, but because

she was herself inside her room

then dawn broke

the new had come again

she lets the animals out

she left the door open

he saw he came

she screamed

he ran

now she hides in fear

An eye for an Eye Makes the Whole World Blind.

Head is spinning, heart not dipping. I am not here to rhyme. I am here to type, tell, write and breath. So I am now skipping Brothers K, so I am start the other two smaller books. I already started it so I thought "Why not skip it, or better save it, until I finish the other two? It is wasting much time to read and I don't want to risk not reading the other two.." That is what I thought, and what I still think. I also came to the realization that I should never talk behind anyones back again. Even if I only do it when it's about someone that hurt me the same way. Yet again, they never find out I talked about them and when they do I hate it, then again I sometimes do it so they can realize that I know that they betrayed my trust. Well all in all, I am no longer doing that. If someone talks bad about me, I will make them feel guilty. Guilty because they will know that I fully did not deserve that. I don't want to make the world blind. So I stick with this for now. Well bye bye for now because my head hurts horribly.

Hide

I feel safe in this land

a selfish land of all I want

the sky filled of helpless sheep

never making even a beep

the floor bright green

with little purple dots

the house far off

built perfectly out of love

for I built it for my heart

every single part

so I could be safe

when the real world broke down

for I need a hideaway

to hide away from you

WOOOOOT wot

I made cookies, whole wheat, dark chocolate cookies.

They are great.

=]

Before making the amazing cookies, I went to the Thrift Store.

I bought a cute shirt, cute boots [that remind me of Dr. Marten's], cool bags and a weird secret storage thing [it looks like a book].

Now I read, since I have the urge to read... good Erika.

ehhh?!?

So, I am sick. Nothing new about that. Since, I am always sick. No, it's not the Swine Flu, I still hate that illness with all my heart. I am also annoyed by all who would, or will, ask if I have it. I am having much trouble with Brothers k. Though it seems like a good book but just does not seem to tickle my fancy. Maybe it's all the baseball. All in all I did realize a similarity with all the books Ms. Poore is making us read, God. They all have to do with questioning God. ALL OF THEM... well I have not read two yet.. So I might be a guessing fool. Well I know I am a fool, always have been and always will be.

Either way, my head hurts and I am a bit of the dizzy side. Saw a movie today, Funny People. I actually, truthfully, enjoyed it. I guess most people who did not like it were waiting for something filled of laughter and idiocy. That is probably why they hated it. Though it had those laughing moments, many in my world. Yet it also had a very serious side. It is about death and cancer. But it also shows how being a comedian is not all laughs, it has it's down sides just like any other job or dream. My head is spinning, not sure if this all makes sense. Going to have a shower now. Then I shall relax. Tomorrow I will use my day wisely and read the book, as much as I can, but more than I have.

Nighty Night.

Oh, It's now August.

=]

Why do I have an odd fascination with those balls in the sky?

You know how a lot of people always wonder if their unknown love is looking at Moon, exactly when the one who is wondering this is looking at the Moon or vice versa with the Sun?

Well when I look at the Moon, I wonder something tweety bit different.

I wonder if the person,  that I am destined for, is looking at the Sun while I am looking at the Moon or vice versa.

Cause, you know it could happen.

Yet again, you can sometimes see the Moon while the Sun is up.