Six word memoir of this day.

Procrastination can both save and ruin.

Hiding

working all night

till my sockets fall in

drink some coffee

keep me awake

I need to not sleep

40 more to go

I am almost to the finish line

coffee is too hot

burn my lip tonight

this makes no sense

well glad to know

If I put my head down

the dreams can find me

I have to stay hidden 

I will keep my head up 

HIGH

my mother sleeps on my bed

my father sleeps in his bed

my brother runs on a treadmill 

I sit here working 

Studying

because I need to be smart

 I need to make them proud 

the one sleeping on my bed

the one sleeping on theirs

the one running away from fat

I have to keep them proud

I am a smart ass

One with ignorance

I must decrease that ignorance

for them

but partly for me

so now I hide from dreams

sitting here 

and studying all night

 

hA.

My niece made me a imaginary boyfriend.

His name is Jackand.

She even drew a picture. 

It's very adorable.

=]

P.S.

I hope I never meet a boy named Jackand.

I hate Chemistry but I love her.

Dance Anthem of the 80s

Gosh I love Panic.

http://www.myspace.com/hillsidesession

Really.

Any project they become a part of I begin to love.

Fuck My "Diet" Today.

Ode to Pasta

Pasta te amo

I love you

With all your fat

with all my fat

all the fat you give to I

I who hates fat

yet still loves you

I took italian

so I can love you more

 I took italian

 so I can make you

 I took italian 

So I could speak to you

Pasta oh Pasta

I will move to Italy

just to eat you

HAPPY TUESDAY?

Sure let us say that.

Let us start from the very beginning.

I woke up at 6:45.

Cursed to live off the day with only 3 hours of sleep.

Due to the mind not wanting to rest.

Italian class, was fun and simple.

Geometry, I was too tired to work.

I did learn I passed my second Mastery, aka I passed the class.

Drama, was refreshing since we had a rest day.

History, only class I did actual work in.

Lunch, SANDWICH DAY, it was yum.

Chemistry, had a test, it was on the easy side.

Reminds me I have Chem Homework.

I will start very soon.

English, we saw more of The Crowd.

It was sad, the little girl died.

My naive heart hoped that she was still alive.

I just knew it was not true.

I also have homework for that class.

I have to make DISCUSSION QUESTIONS. Joy.

I got home. I had a nap. A very good nap.

I awoke all cheerful and glad at about 5.

Went to get the mail.

I actually got mail.

Mail from my dream college, California College of Arts [CCA].

It had information about the school, and told me that my catalogue was on it's way.

It made me soo happy because it means that they now know I exist.

They now know I am thinking about going there.

I really would love to go there.

The campus is amazing.

There is two, may I add.

One it SF and One in Oakland.

So I would have to live in Oakland for a year if I choose to go and live there.

I am still trying to make up my mind if I rather live and stay at home or live on a campus.

Who knows what I will pick?

Well the future will once day chat up with me and tell it all.  

Grab It

My dreams are steps away

every step I take 

every thought I break 

I am closer to the dream

sooner or later

I will grab it

I will take it by the hand

I will never let it go

put in my pocket 

keep it on my thoughts

all in knowing

I made it

I did it

all the hope has worked

My dreams are real

Book Idea.

Dream 2. Racer Park 

Takes place in a fictionous environment.  In California [ like all my books] on a ranch near a lake.

There is a weird amusement park that is based off racer games. They all go to a boarding school.

People= 

Narrator: Julia, shy girl who is a underdog with hidden beauty.  Likes Jerry. Jakob is her Best Friend.

Jerry, dorky kid, Shaggy hair, song writer. Likes Juna.

Juna, alien from pluto, amazing in all ways, created to make people fall in love with her. She is orange, people just think it is a bad tan. She likes no one, hates leaving the house. She has an odd curiosity for Jakob.

Joe, obsessed with the Jonas Brothers, he is gay. Likes Jonas.

Jonas, jewish, curly short hair, is afraid of Joe, likes Juna, Jamee, and Julia, he likes all girls. 

Jamee,  sweet blond, pale, short girl who is in love with Jonas but hates how he likes all girls.

Joe's stalkers, tweens that realize that he is gay but still love him.

Lastly Jakob, the geek, who is madly in love with Julia ever since he set eyes on her. 

I had to write this out, before I forgot. 

The Roaring 20's.

Thursday was Hat Day, well Cat in a Hat day.

I wore a 20s inspired boilers hat.

Personally I would have no idea if it was even FROM the 20s.

Since I bought the hat at the Thrift Store. 

I can tell you it is at least 20s inspired.

I wore that all day.

Got awful hat hair.

It is the reason I left it on for so long.

I love that hat, and I am very glad I wore it.

My grades are up now, well I know my Chemistry grade is a C.

She told my mother, thank goodness to.

I still am a bit worried for math.

But I know I can do it, I just have to.

Have to.

I do.

I really think I passed the last Mastery Quiz.

Friday was interesting.

I got my best friend for part of the day.

Since her Boy Friend went off... some where.

So we got be loud and obnoxious together.

Just like old times.

Annoying the normal folk and sometimes our friends.

Weird how much of a private, shy person I am when I am alone.

My friends let me blossom.

I looooove them.

Well we had a odd rally.

I was some what amused. 

I can say I yelled for people.

The Hip Hop Crew dance just confused me.

Truly, I will never understand it.

I will stick to my music. 

Just like glue.

Then back to the 20s. 

In my 6th period English class, we saw a silent film.

It was called The Crowd.

 I liked it, it was cute and funny.

A bit sad.

I kind of would forget that no one was truly talking.

I liked it though.

I wish we finished it.

I truly do. 

=]

REWIND!

My computer died for a few days, which is why I have no written in a feqw days.

Well I have WRITTEN. 

Just not on here.

I will make up for that today. 

Right now.

This song is pretty adorable.

Look How Cute!

Gender Bender

So today I tried to dress like Ryan Ross.

Plaid Jacket, green pants and moccasins.

A very Pretty. Odd. outfit if I say so myself.

Which I am, saying myself.

Well today was amazing and not so amazing.

I met and hugged and WAS ELBOWED by Minijean Brown. 

She is soo amazing and kind hearted.

 Don't worry the elbowing was an accident.

It made me happy, and she said sorry.

The rest of the day was mixed. 

Durring lunch I took a Mastery Test for my Geometry class.

PASSED.

Odd Enough it did not raise my grade .. not at all.

So now I plan to pass 3. 

Get a B. 

That way my grade will be better.

I really do need a better grade in that class.

So do I need a better grade in my Chem class.

I am working on it.

I am working hard.

Harder than I have ever worked.

I really am.

I just need to keep my grades up.

All the rest are As and one B.

I need my Chemistry and Geometry classes to be Cs.

Cs that will make me glad and proud.

Though those classes were one higher grades, only dropping because I got a flu.

A stupid flu that ruined my life.

Well my life in 2 classes.

I am working hard, and I will prevail.

I will.

I have to.

Then my Chem teacher made a horrible speech about how Little Rock is related to Chemistry.

I found it pitiful.

Went to English, had a real talk about it.

I began to feel horribly sick.

When I got home I passed out.

Now I am here.

Like I am everyday.

In my pitiful room in my colorful room.

Hoping on a greater day.

To bring my life a rainbow.

These are sooo good.

Who? Day

So I was School Spirited today and dressed up as Zooey Deschanel.

Obviously I was no comparison.

So today was the first day in months I did not ignore Alien, a guy I wasted my time on last year, I saw him after 5th and said Hello.

Only a Hello and a Smile.

Along with a poke.

I will not like him again, I can not.

Like I have said before, I don't want that right now.

I used to think I did.

I used to think a lot of things.

Now I think differently. 

Which a bit of the same ideas stuck in between.

I think the only way I might let my self like again is if someone wanted me.

Someone I could actually want back.

Maybe, but for now I fine alone.

I like it.

I am used to it.

I need to stop having feeling for guys I liked back in the day.

Hehe that makes me feel old that phrase, Back in the Day.

Well I have years to live.

Molto Vita! 

Very Adorable.

Free Write.

Sunday afternoon, burning hot, feel like a pig do to all the sweat, not because of the Swine Flu. That is truly not that big of a joke to me any more, I could care less. In a plaid skirt, with a panic shirt that oddly matches. I am hoping to go off to goodwill. I would love to ride my bike there. The thing is my bike is still not so attractive, still rusty nor do I have a lock. My parents are still over protective, not allowing me to get used to the outside world at all. They just cause me to fear the world outside of this room. I am getting to scared to even walk outside. 

I have become too private, no longer really wanting company. The weekend is my free time, no body to bother me, except my parents.  Even though a friend of mine came over yesterday, she is a good friend though, one of the best. I really have grown to love punctuation, maybe it is a part of my obsession of trying to have grammar skills. Grammar is why I fear next year, AP English, what if I do DO horrible in that class. I can not deal with that, it would be a shot in my heart. I really truly love English, it is my future, my passion. All my past teachers think I can do it, well I have not asked Ms. Clampett since she was the one that said I was not ready for Honors, actually I think she was right. I have become a better writer. I can comprehend larger book much quicker now. When I don't I just take out my giant Dictionary,  that has every word that was invented before the 70's, that is a lot of words. I know it is possibly for me to read a large amount of books in a small amount of time. I did read all of the Twilight books in about a week. [So Cliche, I know] 

Music is my phycologist, thank to it I CAN BE CALM when I want to scream. Regina Spektor is such a grand help. Grand reminds me of Catcher in the Rye since Holden thinks that word is phony. I truly love that book, even if it may have caused the death of one of my favorite musicians. Poor John.  At the moment I am truly reading Night and Catch- 22. I say truly,due to the fact that I am actually reading more books, it is just the fact those are my priorities, these are since they are for school.  I believe I am soon off to goodwill, I love that place. I will walk the long road with my mother. It is our Sunday Tradition. I hope it all works out. 

A Bee in Your Bonnet.

New name of the Zine.

YAY!!!

Saw "How To Be" today, it was slow but adorable and actually a great movie.

Then I finished "Cat's Cradle" by Kurt Vonnegut 

Loved it.

Now I have 5 MORE SUMMER READING BOOKS!

I already started on "Catch-22".

=]

I love this video.

Respect the Editor in Chief.

Obviously since I am the creator and I guess, owner of Obsession Zine.

My head might be filling with air. 

I like it though.

I have authority, a leader.

I really do love that feeling.

So for now the crew is about five people.

1. Me the Editor in Chief.

2. Elena the Graphic Designer.

3. Irem the "artist".

4. Amanda the Photographer.

5. Rebecca the Copy Editor.

So far that is it.

We will all be entitled to a specific category or just specific obsession.

We have not talked over what exactly. 

Tomorrow there will be a mini meeting, since not all the crew will be there.

A few of us will brainstorm some more.

Outline the first issue.

Perfect it all.

Then I guess, next weekend we will have REAL meeting.

Maybe every week.

I really love this idea.

I really hope it all works out.

I really do.

Typo of My Day.

technoogly

wow.

This is not normal.

I have a new Dream/ Goal.

I WANT TO START A ZINE.

Yes, a Zine aka a small magazine usually about a random obsession. 

I want to start one, yet I have no idea what the random obsession would be.

My troops would be my friends and anyone artistic who wanted to help out.

At first we would make one every like semester.

That does seem reasonable, and if it goes well.

We will create more.

I want a colorful Zine.

About friends, love, school, stories, dreams and everything High School can Hold.

That could be a good name "Everything High School Can Hold".

A Zine written by kids that are most likely headed off to college.

I really think we could do this, sure I have no idea who we is YET.

I will tell my friends my magnificent plan.

I want to make it all by hand, I want it to be like a collage.

All of it a collage.

Then we could make copies of it.. somehow.

I love this idea.

I read about it in a book called "Indie Girl".

I am motivated.

I really  am.

 

Random Note: When I think of Soccer I think of "Sock Her" making me imagine a girl being socked. Making me laugh..

Breakable..

Rawr RAH La

I am borred.

Confused.

Hate my skin right now.

So much I could just sand it.

That is not a good idea though, Andy Warhol once tried that, it only made his skin worse.

I am now on a diet, so I can fit perfectly into that Perfect Dress.

The Perfect Dress, sitting behind my door, taunting me and waiting for the Perfect Day, when I can wear it it. 

It will be perfect, I hope it will.

Well I got an A on my History essay...like I did not know.

I kind of knew all along, since I got an A on my rough draft, the Final was much better, much longer.

I still have a B in that class since I missed wok while I was sick.

Those 5 day, when I was home sick with the Stomach Flu, ruined this semester.

All my grades dropped, except English and Drama, it's taking me time to raise them again.

I need to keep my 3.0.

I Need To, so I can have a higher Average GPA, so I can get into my puny Privates, the school I want and love so very much. 

California College of Arts, being my priority, the only art school in northern California with a Creative Writing Program, I love it.

I love artsy environment, artsy things, and artsy people in general.

It would be perfect, small sure, but I would feel at home.

I will be glad, nothing I want more than that.

It will happen, I will work harder and raise my grade, I will. 

I have to.

I promise.

Ain't She a BUTE!  

Summer Reading Goals:

Books I have to or want to complete.

Have To:

Cats Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut [Already Half Way Done]

Catch-22 - Joseph Heller

White Noise - Don Delillo 

The Brothers K - David James Duncan

Beloved - Toni Morrison

Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky [All of these are for AP English. I read them my Small - Big and back to Small. Also by what I wanted to read more.] 

Popism: The Warhol Stories - Andy Warhol and Pat Hackett [Already more than Half Way done. I just am way too busy. Likewise with the next book] 

Haunted - Chuck Palahnuik

A Million Pieces - James Frey [ like the others I started but I got distracted. ]

Want To:

Franny and Zooey - J.D. Salinger 

Flappers and Philosophers - F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Ultimate Hitchhikers Guide - Douglas Adams 

Wicked - Gregory Maguire 

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain

The Old Man and  the Sea - Ernest Hemingway

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez 

Bridget Jones 1&2 - Helen Fielding 

For now that is it.

I know I will at least complete the "Have To" List.

I have to. ;]

And just maybe this summer I can finally discover my true favorite writer.

P.S. I actually own all of these books, and so many more, these are just my priorities.

Peach Girl

Just completed an adorable anime.

Made me think a lot.

Gave me a lot of different emotions.

Made me laugh, cry, scream and love. 

Well I would declare that anime pretty amazing.

Oh, and it did not make ME fall in love.

Not yet.

Not now.

Favorite Song.

The Future Ahead

Future ahead

it seems so bleak

I am afraid it may leak

All those dreams I can not fail

It's like I am head off to jail

No one to bail me out

Only me to think about

Hoping all will go well

It's like I am head off to hell

Stay glad

It's not that bad

Always a good side

There is no need to hide

Keep that smile

You know it takes you miles

and when I see you, I really see you Upside down.

For some reason, he is making me shy again.

Sure I am usually shy when it comes to people.

Obviously not with my BEST FRIENDS.

I can be with my friends though.

I feel lost, left out and confused.

I can't look into his eyes without smirking now.

Darrrn, 3 years I thought I was over this.

I should be over this.

I have to be.

I am not in the mood for crushing nor love nor likes.

I like being alone right now.

Right now this is where I want to be.

The only thing that would change that is if someone actually chased after me, if someone actually crushed on me and TRIED.

No one ever tries, when they do I let them down.

They are never worth it.

I need someone to make them self worth it.

Not now though, please not now.

Could I at least wait 'till College?

Please.

Wait.

The Perfect Dress.

I cried when I saw it.

Dam Nubio

He is the pizza guy who is taking to long.

According to my "Pizza Tracker" he left at 7.28.

It's freaking 7.50.

WHERE ARE YOU NUBIO!

I am starving, did you get lost, I hope you did not.

I will give you a evil stare when you ring that bell.

I will speak in a MONOTONE.

I hope this pizza is free.

Cause I am freaking hungry.

I hate you Nubio.

I hope you hurry, hurrrryyyyyyyy.

I am not going to stop till the bell rings.

Hurry Up Nubio.

Hurry Up.

I hope you speak English NUBIO.

I have never hated a person I have never met SOOO much.

Really.

I hate you.

NUBIO!!!!!!

My stomach is trying.

Even worse I am PMSing.

Oh Yeah, you are SCREWED.

I hate you.

Dam.

Why did I order from Dominos?

He rang the bell.

My dad opened the door.

I screamed "I HATE YOU NUBIO".

Now I am done.

I go eat.

Yum.

Video of my Year. Maybe just song.

Now I truly write.

I write to you, from my room.

In this city of mysteries. 

Eating Soy beans.

In a little black dress, which in over a turquoise thermal. 

I am shoeless with a plaid golfer hat on.

I think I look adorable.

If I did not I would be wearing something else.

I am consumed my the fact that at the moment I am not passing two classes.

Gladly and hopefully that will end this week.

I am locked in my room, due the fact my dad is moving a giant window trough the hall way.

My dad just sang along to Vampire Weekend's A-Punk, very random, I know it myself.

I don't think he ever heard the song before.

He is a 59 year old man.

A 59 year old MEXICAN man.

Yep, Swine Flu.

Nope, he does not have it.

It's Mothers Day, but I am not with my mother at the moment.

I was earlier, we went to a Dinner with my brothers and one of their families, since only one is married.

After that we, my mother and I, went to Goodwill, my favorite vintage stop, and bought this dress, hat, my future Ball Dress and so much more. 

I might say "I am a HAPPY CAMPER" but I might not.

I should be reading the saddest poetic book I have ever read aka Night.

Yet, I procrastinate. 

I am really good at doing that.

My lungs are being impressed by my dress, I should change but I won't.

I am stubborn. I am glad. I am really thirsty. 

Sorry Xanga

Ever since the 6th grade I was a true Xangian.

Sorry Xanga, I just had to grow.

17 now, in the land of broken dreams.  

Xanga was always there when no one else was.

The only one that would truly listen.

I will miss you.

Now I have you Blogger.

I think this will be a great relationship.