I am following the Road

but it's just to quick

I was following a Toad

but it left with the Road

It was time to go.

the girl was sad

it was time to go

the girl was sad

no one to say no

the girl was sad 

to wear a speedo

the girl was sad

stepped in poo

the girl was sad

lost her mojo

the girl was sad

it was time to go

On a cloudy day,

my head is still lost in the sky. 

Road Trip

Aww, poor Road. 

It just tripped. 

But,

something feels funny

but I am not laughing

something wants to leave my tummy

but I won't let it

something is not good with honey

but yes with cinnamon 

something wants money

but who does not

something feels roomy

but you gained weight

something feels boney

but you look fat

something is a meany

but never me

areore

choking on air 

never hoped for more

combing my hair

I am not a whore

wishing to dare

my mother is a bore

giving a glare

just ran into the door

P.S. I write a lot when I do not sleep. 

On the Road Ahead

on the road ahead

it might just be bumpy

on the road ahead

i might eat something lumpy

on the road ahead

you will wear something frumpy

on the road ahead

we might be happy

on the road ahead 

we might just crash

Disco

My mom would always say 

"When you are 18, you can go to the Disco with your cousins. But they have to take care of you"

Well mother be glad, I will never go to this "Disco", or any in fact. Not even a club.

And if anyone tags me along, or even tries, I might just slap you.  

I love Indie Music.

Can't you tell?

I have been reading Silverstein's  poems again.

Reason for the little stories, and the repeating. 

I love the guy, he is a favorite poet of mine. 

Huge inspiration!

P.S.

I have not slept all day.

I believe, I have insomnia.

P.P.S.

I leave to Mexico tonight.

Road Trip, oh joy?

Well Let's Hope, that I may finally get some romance in my lonely life.

Though, I am fine being lone.

Am I?

Maybe You Should Listen To Your Kids.

Mother, 

Mother,

There's a man outside.

Honey,

Honey,

It is just your dreams.

Mother,

Mother,

He is still out there.

Honey, 

Honey,

Then let him in.

Mother,

Mother,

I let him in.

Honey,

Honey, 

I don't see any man.

Mother, 

Mother, 

He left with the TV. 

Hello Sun

Hello Sun,

Now Risen and high

Hello Sun,

I will miss the Moon

Hello Sun,

Make today so grand

Hello Sun, 

Tell me it'll be fine

Hello Sun,

Let Lovers Fall 

Hello Sun,

May I one day fall, 

                              as you rise. 

Poor Thing.

Poor thing,

Poor thing, 

You never even had a chance.

Poor thing,

Poor thing,

You never saw a glance.

Poor thing,

Poor thing,

You will never see the elegance.

Poor thing,

Poor thing,

Now gone... Month long... New thing,

Poor thing.

This , for some reason, looks like my 10th grade math teacher.

HAHA to Mrs. Evans. 

Loose the Doubt.

I really love my English teachers, except the one I had over the summer. Since, his zipper was always down and I saw in the front row.

My English Teachers have all gave me great feedback about my journey into AP. Today I got an email, from one of the only teachers that did not give me any feedback. She truly made my day. She gave me a long descriptive email that boosted my moral to an extreme hight.

 So high, that I may no longer have doubt. If I do it is now hiding in a corner. It is all trembling in fear that the HAPPY LITTLE BUNNIES WILL HOP ALL OVER IT.  It is true.

cococococococo

Well, today was "special".

It all started with me waking up, because I feared my dog was about to vomit. 

Ran, holding her carefully, to the kitchen and put her in her bed.

Then, I ran back to my room, fell back too sleep.

Soon she came back to me crying, since, she wanted to come back up.

I picked her up, passed back out.

When I woke back up, I was abnormally hungry.

I ate and ate and did not get full.

Really, I crashed my diet today.

Crashed it too pieces.

I was also in a bad mood all day, hmm I wonder why. 

After all the eating, I went on an ADVENTURE, in my backyard.

Not that great at all.

Went back inside, and ate some more.

After that I sat watched some kid TV, since my little niece and nephew were here.

After this, my niece and I went outside. 

I rode my bike in the front.

We played basketball.

I some how misunderstood my strength, and threw the ball over the fence.

My niece and I, ran into the house to get someone to get it.

Since, I  truly did not want to get it.

I have not spoken to nor seen those neighbors in years.

But, no one would help us, so we had to do it ourselves.

So I watched my niece while she got the ball.

She screamed and yelled, when I told her not to.

So the neighbors peeked out.

I waved and we went back to our side of the street.

BUT, my little niece did not listen to me when I said not to push the door too much, since, my bike was on the other side.

She pushed, my bike fell and got scratched.

I got really really mad, they always get me mad, especially when they do not listen.

When we got to the door, I told her to say sorry to my bike.

Instead she ran, so I grabbed her.

Then when I asked her again, may I say I was saying it nicely, she started to cry.

Just because she did not want to say sorry to my bike.

CREMA, IS MY BIKES NAME. 

If you hurt her, you hurt me, equaling she has to say sorry to the bike.

So she did sooner or later.

All because I made her laugh.

I put my bike away in the death trap that is my porch.

Went back inside then entered my room.

Then I had to go to the bathroom, since I am not a bike and have to that kind of stuff, and found something out.

I was on my period.

Who would have known?

and no wonder...

P.S.

Regina's new CD is streaming on myspace.

It is super.

It is also the reason I still have a myspace.

Just for music.

P.P.S.

I shall now spend the rest of the night writing.

Finally.

With my, I will

with my head so lost above

I will always see the light

with my heart so lost of love

I will never know the fright

with my eyes lost like a dove

I will never see the night

with my hands lost in the glove

I will never feel a bite

so may the day go on like a dream

always to be forgotten 

There were Birds in the Sky.

I had a nightmare today.

So frightening that it forced me to awake.

It even made frightened to fall back asleep.

It took place at my school.

There was an eery feeling to it at first.

Everything seemed mysterious and misty.

Everything seemed incorrect.

The security guards were whispering.

Looked like they were actually doing there jobs.

Everyone one was in all black.

Everyone seemed normal and glad.

Yet the sky was dark, not it's normal grew, but blackish.

There was planes everywhere.

Then things began to fall from those planes.

Weird rectangular things.

Some how I could guess where they were going to fall.

No one was too worried at first.

Until it actually hit.

It was a bomb.

First it hit one of the wings.

But school still went on.

School went on as normal.

I went to PE class.

Which it self is a nightmare, since I no longer have it.

Yet, the bombs were still falling.

We still went on.

I started freaking out.

I could not believe it.

I just had to leave.

My close friend asked me "Do you want to go home?"

I said "No, not yet. It's finals week, I have one more class."

So I stayed, managing not to freak out and not to have an attack.

Since I am asthmatic.

Then I leave to the bathroom.

I realized that the only place not destroyed entirely was the bathrooms and the Gyms.

When I noticed I think jinxed it.

Since the moment I exited, they really did hit the Gym.

Everyone was running out.

Gladly my close friend was out.

We called my dad and he picked us up.

For some reason my school was farther from my house than usual and on a tall hill.

On the radio they told us of an evil company.

With some odd name that I cannot fully recall.

Something like White Corp. or War Corp.

They told us how we could not speak about them.

We could not even write about them.

If we did, we would be next.

So I realized that my internet would have to stay off.

We dropped off my friend and headed home.

For a while it seemed all normal.

Though the sky was still that off color of blackish grey.

There was also something else in the sky, crows.

Lots of them too and for some reason they traveled in the shape of a rhombus.

There eyes were also different, they were black.

My dogs were almost always barking.

When they were not they were just too calm or shaking.

My family just said it's what they do.

Since Chihuahuas always shake, but what about the other two, they were not chihuahuas.

Not even close, and yet they did the same.

I wanted to write, I had the urge and sometimes I would wake up with pieces of paper all around me.

Pieces of paper filled of stores filled of poems.

Stories and Poems about this Corp.

Gladly I knew, well thought I knew, that there was no way they would find out about this.

So I hid the papers in my emergency bag.

The bag that was prepared for the worse.

One day, I walked outside so I could look at the sky and I saw something I have seem before.

Those planes and they were dropping those same rectangles.

They were aimed at my house.

I started screaming "Get to the motor home! Get to the MOTOR HOME! THEY ARE COMING! HURRY!"

I screamed in ever room and they all ran.

They got everything they could.

While I got the rest of the family.

My niece and nephew were in my room.

Obviously their parents were out of town, in Las Vegas like always.

While they lay on my bed watching tv.

I told them to get out.

Get the dogs and go outside.

My nephew would not listen so I forced him into my mothers arms.

I grabbed my emergency bag and ran to my brothers room.

He was sleeping I woke him up.

I found it odd the the bombs have yet to hit.

I guess it was my dream and I would not allow them to hit.

Yet I still tried to wake my brother up.

He woke up grabbed his stuff and the my dog and ran.

The minute I walked outside, I woke up.

I could not stand the suspense.

I could not stand the chance of my family dying.

When I woke up I tried not to fall back asleep.

I just watched tv, until I passed out.

Gladly I dreamt a better dream.

That was the first nightmare in a while that was not recycled.

It was totally new.

It caught me by surprise.

I hope I never have it again.

I really hope.

In Need of a Sign.

Today should be a good day, even though I just hurt my toe. Poor Little Toe... 

Well it is Thursday, in my part of the world, and the sun is shining like no other this week. My hair is a poof, as big as a lions mane, but I am trying to tame it. Meaning I have a hat on. My head is still glued to the question of me being a good writer. It is weird how before I knew I was and now I am very confused. Since writing is what I have chosen to do as my career, it's my future you see. It will be my major in College, in whatever University I end up going to. It is my life. So why do I keep wondering and why can I not just live with it. Since I know that not everyone in the land of Earth will love my works. I sure do hope a few will though, maybe more than a few. Maybe I need a moral push, but I already had many of those. Maybe I need a sign, something to tell me that I know I CAN DO IT. That I know, and will know, that I am good at it.

 

Deary Sun and Deary Moon, why am I in so much fright? 

 Moon: Well Deary Girl, don't be worried the world is not always so friendly ,but I will always be near. 

 Sun: and I will be much farther, but you are on our daughter. 

 Moon: Our only child that holds what we love most.

 Sun: The only one that holds true beauty. 

 Moon: and the only one that holds you. 

If only the Sun and Moon could speak. Then I would be surly amazed. They are my favorite things in the Universe, my favorites that are not on Earth. 

I have lost the time.

I am not one to rhyme

but I have lost the time

my head has given up on the game

I have forgotten my name

now who is to blame today

not him who got lost in the hay 

not her who got lost in the stars

but her who won the day

her who has nothing to say

she made me cry

let me fall in the rye

let me who was told won

give up for her fun

though I hide in the sky

I am still in the rye

but I have lost the time

since I am not one to rhyme

ug

She is the one the let me down

the one that made me cry

the that betrayed my trust

and yet I feel guilty 

I feel like I am the bad friend

I could not go today, I  just could not

I could not be there to remember

remember the bad she did to me

and yet I feel guilty

Maybe because I lied

because she is still my friend

cause I might hurt someone along the way

maybe I am too kind, too honest and loyal

I know I did not deserve what she did to me

I would have never done that to her

though in the end I did

I just feel awful

Even though today was great

I got of the house

I had some freedom and trust

but I go on with this feeling

i hate it. 

I will. I can. I want. I have to.

This summer, I strive to do something I have never before. I will achieve a perfectly creative intellectual  summer. I will read many many books. Books, of war, love, hatred and idiots. I will write daily, about anything and everything. I will learn all the things that make me ignorant. Me me loose a large portion of that ignorance. I will enter next year, as the same girl, but yet a grown women. I will travel, in motor home, to Mexico. See the world beyond the window. Carry a journal with me, that I will actually write in. A journal that will be full by the first day of school. I will complete the book I am writing, or at least a large portion of it. I strive to become a better writer, a better learner, and a better human.

Hidden

I used to think it was all over

that there was no longer a need to hover

hover over the thought of you and me

dreaming what I want to see

as things progressed I learned it as a lie

that those dreams still made me fly

I tried to hide from those facts

 blind just like flying bats 

they always came back to the surface

I always threw them back into the furnace

some how they never became ashes

the fire grew making me hide the faces

the faces that show how I truly felt 

hiding what I wanted to belt

to not say what's forbidden

I go on hidden

Great Aunt

I have a great aunt

the sweetest lady I have ever met

All she does day is lay in bed

she eats, sleeps, pees, and dreams in bed

I have heard she used to move

I have heard she used to live

but it all ended when she lost half her heart

when it went off to the US of A 

when it found another half 

 forgot about the other

leaving her with a broken heart

with a missing piece 

a piece she knew could never be replaced

so she stayed in bed

she gave up on the world

I never want to become like that

Yet, I admire her so very much

she may be one of the onlys

that truly believe in their heart

I just wish she would have followed it

I know would try to follow mine

or at least stay in denial

but then I would be like her

I thought it was Family Day?

You know how Sunday is supposed to be all cheers and laughs with the family? It never has truly been like that to me.  It was always screams and fights. When something turns out right something turns it wrong. It is also why I hate Church, I rarely so I can hide, hide from the screams. Since when we go it never brings us together but tears us apart. It makes me loose faith. My dad does not take us to church for us, but for the CHURCH PEOPLE. I rather be somewhere else away from all the people. I don't like those people, they have ruined my life. I don't like it there. I just do not. It brings me, the pacifist,  to screams. Me of all people. I don't like screaming, I hate it but when I am with them, in this horrible environment, I go crazy. I don't think about what I am saying. I just say it. Getting me in trouble. Worst of all my parents have hearing problems, always hearing things I did not even say. I think they might just have a bigger imagination than mine. 

I understand I have my moods too, I feel fat one day, skinny another, I am a female with horrible mood swings. I hate them with all my might. I don't even understand why I get so angered at my mother when she wants to wear my cloths. Maybe I do like her fat, maybe I am jealous. Maybe I just rather have a hobo, that actually needs it, where it. I don't know what is going on in my mind. I am a complicated fool. 

Even worse we went off to the stores and the second we actually start looking around my father tells me that my Aunt and her family are on their way to our house. The exact moment we start looking.  I hate that about my aunt, they always come at the worst moments. Always when I don't want company. ALWAYS.  I like knowing HOURS before that someone is coming over, not minutes. So we rushed home, they have not even drove up the drive-way. I am not a happy camper right now. But I have the urge to read a book about romance. I off to just that. Look for a small one and READ. When they come I will be too busy, because I will be glued to a GREAT love story. 

P.S. 

The world might just be

What you want to see

Today, I mean yesterday was interesting.

I wake up at about 12 in the afternoon, the day seems splendid and filled of light. I start reading  Catch-22, begin to get tired. I try to fall asleep, the moment I feel like I am in the land of dreams, my mother walks in. She tells me how she walked to Marshals and bought some shoes. I really could have cared less. She also tells me that I should be waking up already, I tell her I was already awake and was trying to fall BACK asleep. She leaves, I try again, it fails. I get up turn on the computer and sit in the same old chair I sit in day after day. I truly have no life. I stalk some friends and ex-crushes until my friend calls me. Her name is confidential, so for now she is The One That Drank Too Much Coffee, you will understand it soon enough. 

So she calls me from SF, since she was taking her SAT, tells me how her mother is taking to long to pick her up. I invite her over and she says SURE, and a lot more that I am too lazy to type at the moment. So she hangs up, I clean my room a bit since there was dirty old rags EVERY WHERE. I stay seated in the same old seat waiting. The bell rings, I rush to the door, it is a Delivery Man  who asks me if I am Salvador. I obviously am not, that is my father, so I walk off to go get my mother. Go back to my room and sit back in that chair. When the D-Man seems to have left, I try asking my  mother what that was all about, I don't think she heard me.

 So I get some snacks, since I had cereal earlier and it did nothing for me. At that moment the bell rings, my mom gets the door, I shove the food down my mouth, walk down my hall and see that it is The One That Drank Too Much Coffee. She comes to my room, sits on my bed, then my mother enters and just talks to her, I ignore the whole ordeal by staring into the computers screen. My mom offers my friend food and my friend was obviously starving. I was kind of full but I guess I could more my self. So we went to the kitchen, I thought my mom would serve us. I was incorrect, so I had to do it. I got the chicken tamale for her and the cheese for me.  Put them in the microwave, then grabbed drink and anything else my mother told me to grab. 

When we began to eat I realized that I was starving, so I finish mine and eat some other random stuff. She is already done, yet I am still hungry. I guess that I am going to be on my period or something soon. So I just let me eat. I sit in the same old chair, her on my bed we talk about the mysteries and truths of our worlds. Then we begin to look for a scary movie, since we just happen to love them. We can not find anything could at first until we find One Missed Call, the original. We are both half asleep the whole film, but the suspense kept us awake. Well to be honest she did fall sleep, but she woke up. 

We were spooked by the movie by the end. Then we have a plan to go in my back yard and kill time. We first drink some coffee, since we were really tired. We end up too hyper. We run around the backyard take many photographs, then make another plan. To ride my bikes to the store. May I tell you my bikes are old. We get on them and I some how break the one I am on. I only truly moved something. So we head back on the road ahead of us.  We ride to Smart and Final, well sometimes actually pushing the bike. When we get there we get to feared to leave the bikes alone, so we go back. A friend of mine was near, so I waved hello and pushed my bike until there was hill. 

We went back to my house then decided to ride around again. First we pushed the bikes up the hill until we were safe to ride down. We went to the park, played around, got bored, rode more down the street. Went to Eggettes, left the bikes in front, since we could still see them.   It was actually a very far ride. I, not sure about her, was sweating and weezing a bit. Got some drinks, we were forced to push our bikes since we no adorable baskets on our bikes. We pushed them to my school. That was pretty much vacant. Dropped the bikes on a lawn and sat down. Realized it was getting dark. So we begin to head bike just pushed the bikes. When were at the end of the school saw cholos smoking pot, we got spooked. Threw away our drinks and rode the bikes back to the front, yep I can now say I have ridden a bike trough my school. 

I, personally, was a horrible biker. It took me a while to get moving.  So as we took the same rode back, we found my father, supposedly my parents were worried since it was dark and we had no phones. So, we told him we would meet him home. We rode on and raced my father. We almost beat him, but I slowed down. 

Still I have no idea how horrible this is. I am just discovering that I am tired. All I know is that me and The One That Drank Too Much Coffee could not sleep because of all this coffee. She even bought some at Eggettes. We also know that this was a great way to start the summer. This was really just a rushed version of the whole day.  I will re- read this when I am alive and well. 

p.s. be kind and don't look behind 

  

In One Year...

From this very day, I will be graduating.

I will know what University I am off to.

 Who are my true friends, and who are not.

I will know how great a writer I truly am.

 Who I truly am.

I will know that I had fun.

 Even when there was tears.

I will know so much more.

 More than I know this very day.

I will know how it is to be an adult.

 No longer will I be a child. 

Prompts for College

Describe a personal hardship or barrier that you have had to overcome and explain how it has affected your education or academic performance.

Based on your life experience, describe your understanding of cultural differences, how this understanding was acquired, and how it has affected you.

Artists often work on projects that involve, reflect, or influence their community. Tell us about a project you have been involved with that has made a difference to your community.

immaturity

Gosh my friend is a true idiot.

She spoke again.

This talking about ALL the CP kids going into AP.

She supposedly said that all CP kids should just stick to CP.

I used to have so much faith in her, now I am just disappointed.

I don't care how high her classes are, she should not speak.

She does usually say the wrong thing.

I was invited to her B-Day part, not going any longer for many reasons.

One, it would be awkward.

Two, I need to baby sit.

Three, I just don't want to any more.

I have discovered she is not a true friend.

That I should no longer trust anything with her.

If she has no faith in me, then why should I in her.

Of course, I will still be her friend, but it will never be the same. 

My English teacher told me she just wants to beat her up.

I really love my English teacher.

Well I am GLAD that I am in AP, it was a long time wait.

Now I am actually ready, after so many years of thinking about it.

My dreams are closer to what ever path they will take.

If it is sad or happy, I will be okay with it in the end. 

Every thing is always better in the end. 

Sometimes. 

Oh yeah,

It is June.

Happy June!

On a Bad and Great Note.

I felt like writing. I think I needed too. This week has been hectic; filled of love and sadness. The week started with a good note, then a bad then a good and then better. Monday 1st-3rd period was just fine. 4th I just started entering a tunnel. First since I saw a dead baby bird just laying of the wing.  I even a poem: 

Poor Birdie

Laying there 

all alone

people walk by

it's still alone

People stop "Ha look at that"

People stop "OH! poor thing"

People stop and go on

while the poor bird is still

laying there

all alone

breathing or not

it's alone

That bird impacted my day so much. I was already wondering the big Q: Am I really a good writer? I even wrote a poem about that:

Keep It Going

siting here day by day

nothing to say but not today

head weeping

eyes dripping 

heart spilling 

class time is here

to much fear

blocking the way 

am I good 

or am I bad

may I know

no it can not be

dream of this 

dream of that

dreams in depth

please don't go

I need it true

the need of hope

but what if

I am all but good

I am just in a bad mood; one with a permanent frown. 4th was over, I tried to not think of the bird. I could not stop. The me an my friends were supposed to have a picnic, that sure did not work out. It was sprinkling, it was only water. So we had to sit at the normal picnic tables and do it there. Still turned out fine. But before that I went to Math class to see what I needed to pass. I found out I might not pass. That brought me more DOWN. The rest of the day was just DOWN. Then it really hit. I went home then got a message from a friend, a really close friend. She told me that one of my best friends was telling people that she did not think I was ready for AP English nor that I was a good writer. You know what she put in from of those insults, I guess to make them not as bad, she put "I love her BUT". I don't think that makes anything any better.  She [my good friend that told me about it] was hesitating to tell me, but she knew she had to. I broke down after that, not just because I was worried I was a bad writer, but because I was disappointed. Disappointed that a good friend of mine would be telling people that, even worse that a good friend of mine did not have enough faith in me to think I could do it. Cause I know I can do it. I do, English is my passion. It is, it truly is, I love reading and writing, I personally think I am good at it.

So the next day I was still really down. I had to take 2 finals. I passed both, one being Math, I PASSED GEOMETRY. =] After class I walked as quickly as I could, not noticing anyone I knew. I was doing my ignore walk, I am a born pro at that walk. Well I was doing this walk all the way up to e wing in my English class. I grabbed my Great Gatsby portfolio. After my teacher gave it to me, she asked if there was anything else. I said I had a question, I asked  "Am I a good writer?? ". She said yes and gave me a full description why. For example that I am very stylistic, making my writing only mine.  She even said that all my ideas were always perfect and so on. She asked why I asked and I told her the story that is above. You know the one about my friend  trying to crush my dreams. She looked heart on about this, like it hit a soft spot in her. She even asked "Are you sure she is not jealous?" personally I did not know. I said that I thought she was just being too protective over me. My teacher just made me happy all in all, a total win on moral boosts. I love English teachers because they are always this kind. She made me realize that I know I am a good writer, and I should not doubt that. If I am really going to this as my career I have to get used to let downs and bad reviews. My writing is not for everyone. So my dreams are still strong, I will never give up.

P.S.

Did you know that the friend that dissed  me never even truly read my work?

Well obviously you did not, but now you do.

Am I a good writer?

I will never know myself.

Sure, I can think I am; I can hope so.

But am I really a GOOD writer. 

I just learned people that have never read my reading think not.

Oh, dear.. stupids. 

I have been told that I am a good writer.

I have been told that by many.

So why are people being rude now.

Is it because of AP English.

I know I can do it.

I will probably get a B in that class, hopefully a A.

I will want an A to show them all wrong. 

So I can prove my self right.

I have too, I can not let my self fail. 

I will do the best I can. 

No one will make my hope die.