Prologue

Today I am parched, and everything is moving slowly. I am sitting in my bright green room, that is covered with vintage posters of bands like The Velvet Underground, Janis Joplin, and not so vintage Bright Eyes. My desk is cluttered with empty green tea bottles, and blank papers. Some papers have pictures of cats on them, and there is even a few filled out applications that I have been too freaked to turn in.

Yesterday was another glim day for me, but somr what exciting. I was through the tree filled streets. Took a right turn of Mathew’s Street into the appartment filled streets that are covered in ancient cars, all for sale. Took a left by the bowling ally, and another right on El Romano walked straight past the grave yard, that only reminds me how short life really is. And another right when I got to the mall. There I walked through all the starbucks, and chinese retaurants and companies until I passed Best Sale and got to the Beauty Store. Bought bleach, and a few cans of blue hair dye. And walked straight back home. I attempted to dye my hair blue, and that did not work. I bleached it for too short of a time, and it looks green. Well, fuck it I like it.

Another, fuck it situation. This summer I liked a guy, a lot. Like a lot a lot. I did nothing about it, but I’ve liked him for 6 years. Since high school. I am now in college. Saintsville college. HORRIBLE COLLEGE. Classes are huge, like 700 people per class. I never have had a single conversation with a single of my teachers. I don’t even think they know who I am, but one at least. One teacher that loved me. He told me I was a wonderful writer. Always wrote the best notes on my stories. He made me realize I was a good writer. He made me realize that all the people in high school that thought I sucked were wrong. He gave me confidence. I love that guy.

Today I am supposed to go camping with my best friends. CAMPING. ME. BAD IDEA. I hate the outdoors, but at the same time I kind of love it. I would probably like it more if it had internet conection. I respect nature. In a world without God, you learn to.

The other day I had a conversation with my parents about God, it did not go well.

“GOD, GOD IS EVERYTHING,” they said. They then began preaching to me reasons why I should believe in God.

“Without God the sky is darker,’ my mother said with a crooked dark smile.

“Without God life is shorter” my father said breathing deeply through his smoke infested lungs.

“Without God life is grimmer,” my mother said while glarring at my Grateful Dead poster.

“Without God there is no soul,” said my father said as a tiny piece of hair fell from his already bald head.

“Without God your soul is sad,” said my mother as though she did not hear the last comment.

Why would my soul be happier if I believed in God? But what is a soul, no one can give me a real answer. They just say it’s something we all have. Something that makes us us, and controls us. I personally always thought that was our brain, but whatever. But God, idk. I just think that God is something they need so they can have faith in something, but I don’t need a God, because I have faith in myself.

I don’t really know where I am going with this, I just know I want to write. That’s it. I want to write. So I am bringing this journal with me to this camping adventure so I can write about everything that happens around me. Like how write now I am just in my room, sitting, writing, doing nothing but that. Well thinking, a lot.

The other day I had a conversation with Sam about this adventure.

“Do I really have to go?” I asked.

“If you don’t you will regret it for the rest of your life, “ she told me with a stern face.

She’s right.