Who? Day

So I was School Spirited today and dressed up as Zooey Deschanel.

Obviously I was no comparison.

So today was the first day in months I did not ignore Alien, a guy I wasted my time on last year, I saw him after 5th and said Hello.

Only a Hello and a Smile.

Along with a poke.

I will not like him again, I can not.

Like I have said before, I don't want that right now.

I used to think I did.

I used to think a lot of things.

Now I think differently. 

Which a bit of the same ideas stuck in between.

I think the only way I might let my self like again is if someone wanted me.

Someone I could actually want back.

Maybe, but for now I fine alone.

I like it.

I am used to it.

I need to stop having feeling for guys I liked back in the day.

Hehe that makes me feel old that phrase, Back in the Day.

Well I have years to live.

Molto Vita! 

Free Write.

Sunday afternoon, burning hot, feel like a pig do to all the sweat, not because of the Swine Flu. That is truly not that big of a joke to me any more, I could care less. In a plaid skirt, with a panic shirt that oddly matches. I am hoping to go off to goodwill. I would love to ride my bike there. The thing is my bike is still not so attractive, still rusty nor do I have a lock. My parents are still over protective, not allowing me to get used to the outside world at all. They just cause me to fear the world outside of this room. I am getting to scared to even walk outside. 

I have become too private, no longer really wanting company. The weekend is my free time, no body to bother me, except my parents.  Even though a friend of mine came over yesterday, she is a good friend though, one of the best. I really have grown to love punctuation, maybe it is a part of my obsession of trying to have grammar skills. Grammar is why I fear next year, AP English, what if I do DO horrible in that class. I can not deal with that, it would be a shot in my heart. I really truly love English, it is my future, my passion. All my past teachers think I can do it, well I have not asked Ms. Clampett since she was the one that said I was not ready for Honors, actually I think she was right. I have become a better writer. I can comprehend larger book much quicker now. When I don't I just take out my giant Dictionary,  that has every word that was invented before the 70's, that is a lot of words. I know it is possibly for me to read a large amount of books in a small amount of time. I did read all of the Twilight books in about a week. [So Cliche, I know] 

Music is my phycologist, thank to it I CAN BE CALM when I want to scream. Regina Spektor is such a grand help. Grand reminds me of Catcher in the Rye since Holden thinks that word is phony. I truly love that book, even if it may have caused the death of one of my favorite musicians. Poor John.  At the moment I am truly reading Night and Catch- 22. I say truly,due to the fact that I am actually reading more books, it is just the fact those are my priorities, these are since they are for school.  I believe I am soon off to goodwill, I love that place. I will walk the long road with my mother. It is our Sunday Tradition. I hope it all works out. 

I have a new Dream/ Goal.

I WANT TO START A ZINE.

Yes, a Zine aka a small magazine usually about a random obsession. 

I want to start one, yet I have no idea what the random obsession would be.

My troops would be my friends and anyone artistic who wanted to help out.

At first we would make one every like semester.

That does seem reasonable, and if it goes well.

We will create more.

I want a colorful Zine.

About friends, love, school, stories, dreams and everything High School can Hold.

That could be a good name "Everything High School Can Hold".

A Zine written by kids that are most likely headed off to college.

I really think we could do this, sure I have no idea who we is YET.

I will tell my friends my magnificent plan.

I want to make it all by hand, I want it to be like a collage.

All of it a collage.

Then we could make copies of it.. somehow.

I love this idea.

I read about it in a book called "Indie Girl".

I am motivated.

I really  am.

 

Breakable..

Rawr RAH La

I am borred.

Confused.

Hate my skin right now.

So much I could just sand it.

That is not a good idea though, Andy Warhol once tried that, it only made his skin worse.

I am now on a diet, so I can fit perfectly into that Perfect Dress.

The Perfect Dress, sitting behind my door, taunting me and waiting for the Perfect Day, when I can wear it it. 

It will be perfect, I hope it will.

Well I got an A on my History essay...like I did not know.

I kind of knew all along, since I got an A on my rough draft, the Final was much better, much longer.

I still have a B in that class since I missed wok while I was sick.

Those 5 day, when I was home sick with the Stomach Flu, ruined this semester.

All my grades dropped, except English and Drama, it's taking me time to raise them again.

I need to keep my 3.0.

I Need To, so I can have a higher Average GPA, so I can get into my puny Privates, the school I want and love so very much. 

California College of Arts, being my priority, the only art school in northern California with a Creative Writing Program, I love it.

I love artsy environment, artsy things, and artsy people in general.

It would be perfect, small sure, but I would feel at home.

I will be glad, nothing I want more than that.

It will happen, I will work harder and raise my grade, I will. 

I have to.

I promise.